Vision from God (more than Yen and Yang)
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Student |
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| Proud Skeptic | | |
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| Fearful |
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| Intimidator /Bully | | |
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| Hurried |
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| Lazy | | |
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| Selfish |
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| Wasteful | | |
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| Scattered |
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Dreamer |
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| Skeptical Pessimist | | |
9/28/09
12/27/09
Sermon: RCC, Dave Chapness, PRAY
Joel’s Life Journal
10/6/03
10/07/03
10/08/03
10/09/03
10/10/03
10/11/03
10/12/03
10/13/03
10/16/03
10/18/03
1. Spiritual – God kept me up again last night – thank you God! I had some awesome time in the Word and God gave the beginnings of a vision about a “Young Entrepreneurs” group
2. Personal – I have been staying consistent to my workout regimen and I have been eating better. This week end I ate some crap, but it is Monday and I am back on track
3. Business – I now recognize that my lack of focus on the treasure map is spiritual warfare. Satan doesn’t want this business to succeed because of what God wants to do through us
10/21/03
1. Spiritual – Last night’s Bible study was phenomenal! Not to be prideful, but I think God used me in a mighty way in those guy’s lives last night. We all wrote down our “secret” hooks that the Devil has in us in a sealed envelope and gave it to a brother to pray for freedom. I am excited to see what God is going to do with this
2. Personal – I am 100% blessed more than I deserve. I got to go pick out all of the options for my house yesterday, and I got every single option I could have hoped for and still stayed in the budget I had set. – Thank you God
3. Business – So many exciting things are happening in the business. We are in the middle of the sales expansion, we are interviewing for a new sales manager, we are talking, to a potential sales manager, and we are talking about having Chapin come on as CEO next year – Thank you God
10/22/03
1. Spiritual – Kind of rough, I didn’t read my Daily Word – I was blessed by Prov 22 – Buddy pointed out the Pride that has been creeping into my life over the last few weeks
2. Personal – I have been keeping up with exercise but I actually gained weight (muscle hopefully) – thank you God for help with my discipline
3. Business – Me and Buddy had a tough but good talk about our relationship. I interviewed more office manager applicants and I got a chance to meet with Dave (our potential new sales manager) – I think this is going to happen unless God closes the door – hopefully we recognize it if he closes the door
10/27/03
1. Spiritual – I am slipping a little, I didn’t read my Bible and I left a Bible study early (I think I went for the wrong reason) – I will get back on track today
2. Personal – I have been keeping up with exercise but my diet has been slipping a little – I ate some junk before bed last night
3. Business – The expansion is phenomenal. The “hum” is great and we have so much room to grow – thank you God
10/28/03
1. Spiritual – Back on track, Read my Bible and led Bible Study. God is giving more Grace with Roy
2. Personal – I want to date Julia, I got advice from Buddy and Derek and we will see what happens
3. Business – Flowing – things are rolling, now it is time to hit the treasure map hard
10/29 – 11/6
1. Spiritual – I didn’t read the Purpose Driven Life, but I read my Bible Daily and had some excellent conversations with my parents
2. Personal – Done!! – I took the CPA exam yesterday and the day before. I took a week off and went up to Bakersfield to study – I think that really helped, I felt good about the exam, but I won’t know for sure until February
3. Business – MAS didn’t explode with me being gone, I think I am finally becoming a better delegator
11/8 – 11/9
1. Spiritual – Slipping a little, still trying to get back into the flow
2. Personal – It is taking me a little bit to get back into the flow, but things are good. I got to go play B-ball on Sunday and I did pretty well. I need to get back on track with my diet and working out
3. Business – Another fun weekend of work at the office – It is finally coming together. We should have our racing stripe by next week and everyone is finally in their right location
11/10 – 11/11
1. Spiritual – Back on track, Prayer on Mon night was awesome & Bible study was great as well (Oscar, Cole, Daniel, Ed) – God is going to do a mighty work at the Rock – Passion-Based Ministry out of the Need-Based Ministry
2. Personal – I went to the gym on Monday and played basketball last night and I love it. I have more energy and I am getting better at basketball (finally) I was dunking at the Y (I think their rims were low ( I want to increase my vertical)
11/18
1. Spiritual – Had bible study last night and it was a blessing. We talked about what the Purpose Driven Life has meant in our life’s and we talked about people in our lives that we want to get saved
2. Personal – The game winning shot was shot right in my face, but overall it was good to get out there and run. I need a little more work on my offense, but my defense and passing are pretty good. I am going up to see Dave and Laura this weekend and I am excited
3. Business – Buddy is really excited about being the CEO
11/20
1. Personal – I got to go play basketball with Jon Miller and I had dinner and a movie with Kevin and Allie. I am really enjoying spending more time with old friends
2. Business – Things are moving right along. We hired Scott today as our new Office manager and we are moving Kerrie into a Operations Assistant to work more directly with me
11/21 - 23
1. Proverbs 23 - 4 Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. 5 Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle. 9 Do not speak to a fool,
for he will scorn the wisdom of your words. 12 Apply your heart to instruction
and your ears to words of knowledge. 15 My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad; 16 my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right. 17 Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD .18 There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. 19 Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path. 23 Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding.
24 The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. 25 May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!
2. Personal – I went up to LA and hung out with Dave, Laura, Emma, Daniel and Tim on Friday night and then I spent the night and T&D’s. We went on a cool hike on Saturday – FAMILY IS SUCH A BLESSING – thank you God for giving me such an awesome family – I can’t wait until thanksgiving
3. Spiritual – On Sunday Miles talked about “Baduka” steps of faith
a. Remember God’s faithfulness – past blessings/miracles
b. Believe God can do anything
c. Expect God to do amazing things
4. Business – God inspired me to put together the MAS flow chart and it came out pretty amazing! – We are making great progress in fixing up the office J
11/24
1. Proverbs –
a. 5 A wise man has great power,
and a man of knowledge increases strength;
6 for waging war you need guidance,
and for victory many advisers. 14 Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off. 32 I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw:
33 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest-
34 and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.
2. Personal – I’m getting my car fixed and a few extras, is it wrong what I am doing with the insurance money?
5. Spiritual – I was blessed at the Rock leaders meeting – John Leeder charged us to make disciples and get involved in outreach
3. Business – Kind of a rough day. Buddy was in a bad mood and I was struggling with pride
11/25
1. Proverbs –
a. 2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter;
to search out a matter is the glory of kings.
6 Do not exalt yourself in the king's presence,
and do not claim a place among great men;
7 it is better for him to say to you, "Come up here,"
than for him to humiliate you before a nobleman. 11 A word aptly spoken
is like apples of gold in settings of silver. 12 Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man's rebuke to a listening ear. 14 Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of gifts he does not give. 15 Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone. 16 If you find honey, eat just enough- too much of it, and you will vomit.(moderation) 28 Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control
2. Spiritual – We met together as a bible study and it was a blessing. It is good to see all of the girls and keep up those relationships – God is challenging me to create a ministry web database
3. Business – phenomenal day! – I was worried that Buddy was going to have another bad day, but he came into the office fired up. We had a great meeting with Andy Willis and we put together a good offer for Chapin – it is now in God’s hands
11/26
1. Proverbs – 4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself. 5 Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes. 11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. 12 Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. 18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, "I was only joking!" 20 Without wood a fire goes out;
without gossip a quarrel dies down.
12/1
1. Proverbs – 7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools [1] despise wisdom and discipline.
12/5
1. Proverbs – 1 My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight, 2 that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. 11 At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent. 12 You will say, "How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction! 13 I would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors.
14 I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly." 18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 21 For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths.
22 The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. 23 He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.
2. Personal – I met a girl named Jenny Bergen at Starbucks on Monday. Chapin tried to play match-maker, but she has a boy-friend of 3 weeks (it is interesting that she called him her “boy-friend after 3 weeks) – I am pray so we will see what God does
3. Spiritual – I had an opportunity to meet with Bernardo last night. He asked me to be a source of accountability in his life. We are going to be meeting early every other Wednesday (I want to push him in his faith, but I want it to be internally motivated) – God has been really talking to me about my hunger for the word of God and about the fact that I need to enjoy the process and the journey in life and not be so focused on the goal only
4. Business – We are still recruiting Chapin to be our CEO. I think he is sold, but he is waiting on his wife to hear from God (I have been praying for her like crazy) Things have been pretty bleak over the last few weeks, but I have faith that Dave is going to do amazing things
12/12
1. Proverbs – 1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid. 3 A man cannot be established through wickedness,
but the righteous cannot be uprooted. 4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. 8 A man is praised according to his wisdom 11 He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment. 14 From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.
15 The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. 16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. 18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
19 Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.
2. Personal – Julie is trying to set me up with JoDawn so we will see what happens. I had fun with Jen and Misty last night – I am going to the Gulls game with them tonight
3. Spiritual – blessed by Chapin, devos, and studies, but my daily reading has been slipping – today is a fresh start. Yes and Wisdom Ministries are exciting
4. Business – Phenomenal “On the Pulse” meeting last night – Chapin is really kicking in and this was the 1st one that Dave attended (Chapin lit a fire under all of us)
12/16
12/17/03
5/7/04
6/1/04
6/2/04
6/3/04
6/4/04
6/5/04
6/17/04 – my 25th b-day
i. Ability to take action
ii. The past does not equal the future – what are you going to do right now?
i. Ignite desire
ii. Simple systematic strategies (day by day)
6/18/04
6/22/04
i. For specific people (every time we pray together)
ii. For longer periods of time
iii. Giving God our best (timing)
i. Preparing devotionals
1. talking about what we read
2. applying it to our lives
i. Case for Christ
1. discussion
i. Avoid temptation
ii. Focus, setting aside the time for God
iii. Prayer, scripture, etc
7/1/04
Goals for East Coast Trip
10/20/04
I have had an amazing time in New York with my dad and John. I flew into Baltimore on the 18th and my dad and I drove up to Rutherford, NJ. We came into NY city yesterday morning to go to church with John at Mosaic Manhattan. We got into town early so we walked around ground zero and Wall Street. The church had a ton of energy and was really focused toward younger people. The worship team even had a guy on the turn tables. After church we decided to go to the Yankees/Red Sox game. We got up to the Bronx about 10 minutes before game time and started our quest to scalp some tickets. It was quite an adventure. We walked all around trying to make a “buy”. We were all pretty anxious; it felt like we were trying to buy drugs. We finally scored 3 tickets for the discounted price of $340. The guy pulled the ‘ol “bate and switch” and gave us 2 together and then a single. God was looking out for us because the tickets were real and we were able to get three seats together. The game was amazing. It was Pedro and against Mussina, and the game had an amazing energy.
| | Sat | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun |
| | 18-Sep | 19-Sep | 20-Sep | 21-Sep | 22-Sep | 23-Sep | 24-Sep | 25-Sep | 26-Sep |
| AM | | NY (church with John) | NY (United Nations, Karen?) | to RI | Boston (Duck tour, Library) | Boston | to VT | VT (hang with Sam and Tarrah) | Fly out (around 11:00) |
| PM | Baltimore 3:00 to Secaucus NJ | NY (Hang out with John) | NY | RI to Boston | Boston | to NH | VT(dinner with Sam and Tarrah) | to CT | |
| Hotel | NJ (rsvd) | NJ (rsvd) | NJ (rsvd) | Boston | Boston | Hillsboro, NH | VT | Windsor,CT | |
| Hotel | Renaissance Meadowlands Hotel | 801 Ruhterford Ave. Rutherford, NJ | 201-231-3100 Conf# 1-84713481 | Tage Inn Boston # 1680IP002493 | 23 Cummings St. Somerville, MA 617-625-5300 | His Mansion Stan Farmer 603-464-5555 | university inns and suites (Mike: 802-316-0490) | Courtyard 1 Day Hill Rd. Windsor, CT 860-683-0022 # 85816776 | |
| Car | Alamo Conf# 50945391 | Sat. Noon @ BWI | | | | | | | BDL - 11 am |
| Airline | | | | | | | | | SouthWest Flt 258 11:45am |
| | | rain 71-56 | Windy 71-56 | Sunny 74-59 | cloudy 74-60 | cloudy 74-52 | showers 67-55 | cloudy 65-52 | |
10/26/04
Well I am on the return flight home now. I just left Dad in Nashville. What an amazing trip. It was such a blessing to be able to spend this time on the East Coast with my Dad. There are so many great memories that will not be soon forgotten… buying tickets to the game, Little Italy, the Duck tour, a new found respect for JFK, Wild at Heart, His Mansion, time with Sam, Tarrah, and Abriella, Lost and Hungry in Connecticut, etc. Thank you God for the opportunity to take this trip and for an amazing father and friends to share it with.
Well I didn’t quite meet all of my goals for the trip. I only journaled twice and I only finished Wild at Heart, but I was still happy with how the trip went. Well here goes my attempt at goal setting
11/12/04
This morning I woke up at 7:00 full of energy. My mom, sister, and Charlie are in town and we have been planning Rece and my wedding.
Rece and I got engaged on Friday 10/22/04 at Peohe’s on Coronado. I was able to surprise her because that Wednesday night, after pre-marital class, I gave her the slight impression that it was going to be a while before I proposed (I am glad that she didn’t dump me right then and there). We made plans to have dinner to celebrate our 8 month anniversary that Thursday, but we ended up moving it to Friday, due to the fact that it was raining. That Friday afternoon we took the ferry over to Coronado at sunset. After an amazing dinner we went for a walk along the water. When I went down on one knee to ask her, a group of people eating at a nearby restaurant stood up and started cheering. Somewhat distracted by the cheering, I was able to mumble out something sweet and most importantly, she said “yes!” On the walk back I had a limo waiting and we took a drive up to Mt Soledad and prayed together while looking over the city.
Back to today… I called and woke up Rece around 7:30 and she came over to do some wedding planning. We go a lot done, but Rece seemed a little “off”. She said that it was simply because she is not a morning person, but I think it might have been because Anna and I where planning the whole thing without her input. God help me to be the man I need to be to protect Rece and insure that she always feel heard and important. I need to leave my family and cleave to her! God help me to be the Priest/Pastor/Leader of our new family. I spoke with Chapin and he encouraged me to pray over my “Red Flags” from premarital and then to discuss them soberly and completely with Rece. We also need to dig into them with Mark and Karen & Chapin and Chris. I need to spend more time in prayer and more time in the Word (alone and with Rece)
11/18/04
Well, I slipped again last night. I, I, I… this I stuff doesn’t work any more. I am currently in prayer and God is telling me the Rece and I are one… really one. I have heard that before, but I think I am finally starting to realize it. Is my right arm selfish and bitter toward my right leg… of course not? It is completely counterproductive to be selfish in my relationship with Rece. I just finished reading Proverbs 18 where it talks a lot about being slow to speak, being humble, and seeking wisdom. I say that I love Proverbs and wisdom, but am I applying them? God help me to apply the Proverbs and wisdom. Help me to not be selfish toward Rece, but to serve her. God, help me to stop trying to change her, and fighting to make a point or to “win”. I am insecure and I use those things to boost my ego. God help me not to have an ego or identity apart from Rece and apart from you. God I also pray for the same thing with my relationship with Buddy (except all of the oneness stuff).
I feel that God is telling me to stop being scared of Him. “Be still and know that I am God”… How can I know that you are God if I am never still?
Am I just getting cold feet or are these red flags????
11/19/04 - Conversation with Buddy
11/22/04
I woke up at 5:58 this morning. That may seem early to most, but it was about 1 ½ hours late because I had a 6:00 meeting. At first I was a little panicked because I was so worried about Buddy’s reaction, but my conversation with Rece flashed in my mind and calmed me down.
That conversation happened late Friday night after I disappointed Rece again. That morning I left her a message that I was really excited to see her after she got off work around 9:00 that night. At that point, I figured that I was just going to hang around home and then hang out with her that night. During the day I found out that SDSU had their basketball season opener that night, so I made plans to go with Matt. We didn’t end up getting out of the game until 9:30 because the game went into overtime. I checked my message from Rece when I got home and she was noticeably disappointed. At first I felt really bad and then I got a little upset, because in my mind she had no right to be mad at me.
This has been a cycle that has happened several times in our relationship. I over-plan, Rece expresses her disappointment, and I don’t want to talk to her because I feel like a failure. That night Rece helped me to realize that I was being lied to by the Devil.
1. When Rece is disappointed in me it doesn’t mean that I am a disappointment
2. Just like how I get over disappointments quickly, so does Rece
3. DON”T over-promise
4. Recognize that Satan is lying to me (have more faith in Rece)
5. I am an optimist in everything else, why wouldn’t I be optimistic that Rece is going to forgive me
11/30/04
I have been stressed and underperforming at work for the last few months and Buddy called me on it yesterday. We had a deep conversation and it quickly turned to my relationship with Rece. I love her, but our relationship has been work and I think that it has added to my stress (which may be linked to my stress headaches). I don’t want to fool myself into thinking that things are just going to magically get better when we get married. I know that we are both growing, but is this stress going to lift?
Questions:
12/13/04
It is not about me!!! I am having a tough morning. I am really sore from my snowboarding trip with Rece and it seems like there are a lot of issues arising. Buddy got a flat this morning and I had to lead the morning meetings. Beth & Dianne seem to be a little stressed and Beth is frustrating me. God I need you. I just read Psalms 150 and the biggest thing that I took from it was that it is not about me. The section tells us to praise God! It doesn’t say that I should wallow in self-pity. I slip up again last night. I was tired, sore and bitter for some reason. I had an amazing weekend with Rece. We probably shouldn’t have shared a bed, but we did. Be we stayed pure and just had an all around great time. I think that I was under attack from Satan last night. I need to get the TV out of my room. It frustrates me that I tend to get overwhelmed! I want to be cool calm and collected. God I need You!
I need to have accountability with Rece and with others (no secrets). I need to read the book that I bought on purity. I need to focus on Rece’s need above mine. Truly love her sacrificially. I need to be the spiritual leader of our house. What does that mean… be in the Word and in prayer consistently, consistently meet with a mentor, mentor others, give of my resources and time, make YES a reality, Focus, Simplify, do what is in front of you (what is in your hand). Do not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
MAS – Customer Experience / Renewal Rate
Rece – Be a servant
Walk – Be consistent (before bed!!)
Ministry - Expand, you will be amazed what 5 hours a week will produce with God’s direction
Finances - Launch Rece’s business in 2005
Business planning software
1/15/05
I am in a funk right now.
Rece
| Great Things | Fears/Frustrations |
| beautiful/striking | Doesn't have her own friends or hobbies |
| great sense of humor | Can be critical and nagging |
| heart to serve me | Not quick to do stuff around the house |
| honest and open | Health/Appearance |
| quick to pray | |
| supports me | |
| loves me | |
| likes spending time with me | |
| artistic | |
| very bright | |
Sometimes I feel like I don't have the option to be alone or do stuff with friends
I can be insecure, sometimes I get overwhelmed
Sometimes I get overwhelmed; I might be a little anal
I'm insecure about my own body and appearance
I know that a lot of the stress in my life is self imposed
Sometimes I recharge when I am alone
I put very high expectations on my self
Sometimes it is hard for me to be honest with people when I think my honesty is going to hurt them
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You every day.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe
36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
2/8/05 – It has been a tough morning. I had a tiff with Rece last night about food. I was being controlling and tried to take food away from her. I don’t know how to let go of this.
I am going to meet with
5/25/05 – God is so faithful! Rece and I just got back from our 2nd reception up in Bakersfield. It was a huge blessing to share the event with friends and family and to see how everyone responded to Rece. I am the luckiest man alive to have such an amazing wife. My dad gave an amazing blessing to Rece and I (I love him so much)
A – my dad, family, Rece, Buddy, MAS, house (all provision), sending Jesus, conviction, patience, Rece’s gift of discernment
W – YES, India?
I – Rece, her business, her time with You, development of her discernment
6/29/05 – God is still faithful. We are knee deep in the situation with Kimber & I am praying that we stay out of court. I know that God will judge her for any $$ she gets from us. Buddy just got back from his honeymoon and it is taking a sec for us to get synced back up, but I am confident that we both will move forward and not slip back into old habits. Things are good with Rece. She was frustrated because of the lack of quality time over the past 2 weeks (Buddy’s wedding & the Eveland family Reunion), but we had an awesome date night up in Cardiff on Sat & we are going to the Omni this Friday, some I hoping that her love tank is filling up. My dad and I are still looking into a potential business to do together.
My prayer life has been a little stagnant recently. I have spent very little time in “real prayer” and it has been a few weeks since Rece & I really prayed together. I need to get back on track in this area!!
New Year - 2006
Cruise with family
Solvang
Went to Italy
Back to School
Helped launch Action Construction
Managing and Inspiring staff at MAS
Business Ideas Flowing – 10 Simple Steps, Eternal Wisdom,
Started Attending CBC (Rece singing)
Strong Team at MAS
AIB president
Assisted George Fermanian in his RE class
6/21/06
I'm at the Dr. waiting to get blood work and a tetanus shot. Life is good - Rece has a meeting today about worship at CBC. MAS seems to be getting back on track after FTB change, we are rolling out teams tomorrow. Still have open HR issues (Ron & Tim). Spiritual life is good - Rece and I are reading more and praying more. We got rid of cable. I just got contacts. Rece and I are learning about UltraMetabolism (book) My prayer is that God shows me where he wants me and that he gives me confidence and removes my fear of what others think.
Corinthians 13
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. 8Love never fails.
Sept – Oct 06
Back to school, launching Action Construction, In a flow, felt like a million bucks (for a while)
I dramatically changed the course of my life this month. Buddy and my relationship had been strained ever since we started working with Action Construction and I started my MBA program. I was spread thin and was not able to commit as much time to MAS and Buddy was scared that I had lost my drive. It all came to a head when we were at an offsite meeting looking at a new space to rent. Chapin laid it all out on the table and Buddy’s response was - what is the point of spending time trying to work things out when it always comes back to the same place. My response was “I am done” along with some mean words judging Buddy (that I regret). If Buddy wasn’t committed to keep fighting for the relationship, why should I. I was tired of being another thing that Buddy was trying to control. That weekend I did some soul searching and felt that God was telling me not to quit, but the damage had been done and I still wasn’t able to commit 100% to MAS because of school, so Buddy and I decided to part ways.
11/3/06
Buddy, Chapin and I had a meeting today to line out the exit for me. Buddy offered 6 months mortgage payment and insurance (about $15k). My plan was to remain at partial comp for the next year or so, but I think it is good to have the clean break as of Thanksgiving. Dear God “what is next”. I really need to rely on God through this time and spend time with Him alone and with Rece. I need to focus on being the best husband and spiritual leader through this time.
1/22/07
Scripture – MUforHH: “Look to Me, and be saved” (Isaiah 45:22) We need to concentrate on Him – His blessings can be our biggest distractions, often pain is what brings us to Him. “Our difficulties, our trials, and our worries about tomorrow all vanish when we look to God.” Proverbs 22: 4 Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life. 9 A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor. 11 He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend. 12 The eyes of the LORD keep watch over knowledge, but he frustrates the words of the unfaithful. Dear God help me to be faithful, I feel like my words have been frustrated and that I never know what to say whether in business or in friendships – I feel awkward 13 The sluggard says, "There is a lion outside!" or, "I will be murdered in the streets!" God help me face my challenges head on and not fear 29 Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will serve before kings; he will not serve before obscure men.
Spiritual – The Kevin’s from Rece’s work came to Oasis yesterday to hear Rece sing – God please draw them in and I pray for their salvation. Thank you for Rece’s love and boldness. Rece and I have more time than ever and we are still struggling to be consistent in our Bible reading and prayer – I think it is a heart thing rather than a time thing – God please help us to desire our time with you more.
God please rip away my fear and insecurities, as painful as it may be. I hate them and I don’t want them anymore. God I am broken and weak – please transfer this into humility rather than depression, self-pity, and laziness.
God please fill me with energy, motivation, focus. I want to be an empty shell to be used by you. Please take over control of my life. I am tired of messing it up.
Marriage – I am feeling weak and petty. I made a comment last night about Rece’s weight loss program being tied to her not being pregnant. I can’t believe I said that. Am I so insecure that I can’t love Rece for who she is? God please help me – I have struggled with this insecurity my whole life and I want to be free of it. Why am I so worried about what people think of me and now Rece? I get uncomfortable when Rece says something off color or if her mid-section or butt are hanging out. People love Rece because of her self-confidence and ability to break the ice and make other’s comfortable. Yes, she takes it too far sometimes, but I would rather have that than have her insecure and share my struggles. Rece has also been depressed recently. I think it is tied up in our move to Bakersfield. She said that she is struggling with motivation to go to work and with her weight loss. She is always tired and doesn’t want to do anything. I am feeling the same way.
God – I need your strength to be able to lift her up and love her the way that you love the church. I need to die for her. Give me the strength and the words to fill her love tank and spiritual tank. I love her so much and I want to see her happy and joyful
Personal – I woke up today at 8:00 after setting my alarm for 6:30. I have been really struggling with the motivation to get out of bed. I have never really had to be completely self-motivated because I have always had expectations on me for school or MAS. This is an awkward time in my life. I am struggling with laziness, confidence, faith, & focus. God I need your direction. I just spent some time reading over my journal for the last few years. It is interesting to see the patterns of weakness and struggles. Currently it feels like God is breaking down my pride and since of self-sufficiency. I need to rely solely on him.
Business – Well I left Media All Stars. From the beginning Buddy and I have been opposites. In many ways, this is why we complimented each other so well, but it also created tension. One of the biggest issues was that how we expressed and received love was is direct opposition. Buddy is an “acts of service” person while I am “words of affirmation” (5 Love Languages). When Buddy didn’t speak positively to me, I stopped doing acts of service and tension was created. It all came to a head late in 2006 when I was helping with Action Construction, going to school, and MAS was struggling. I was overwhelmed and Buddy started to doubt my heart. We had a few hard discussions before I finally had enough in September. Buddy was tired of trying and said some hurtful things and I was at a point of overwhelm. We ended things amicably, but things got hard when sales continued to tank and then Tim sued us. Buddy offered to have his dad cosign for our debt, but he started to re-think it when it looked like MAS might go under (which I understand) I am currently helping with the Tim case and still waiting to have the debt transferred to Buddy’s dad while my house is in escrow. God – am I doing the right thing? How can I be more of a blessing to Buddy before I leave?
I need to be working 40 hours a week – 20 hrs for EAG & 20 hrs for MAS
2/14/07
Scripture – Exodus 15: Moses praises God for his strength and power and for rescuing the Israelites from Egypt. (I need to thank God and remember his provision in my life – answer for fear/doubt) 16: Manna and Quail – don’t hold on to yesterday’s manna (provision) God’s mercies are new every morning – fresh provision/future. As the people were grumbling and Moses and Aaron were calling out to God the quail were already on the way. God’s provision is already on the way, we simply need to walk in it. God had them keep a jar of manna as a remembrance (in the ark). It is important for us to set up practice remembrances of God’s miracles/provision. Matthew 28: The resurrection, the great commission - 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Jesus – I need you help to do this – I am weak and fearful. Please fill me with your boldness and love for all people. Psalms: God has power over His enemies – David singing God’s praise – I need to do this more.
Spiritual – Rece and I started listening to The Battlefield of the Mind last night. I think that was just what I needed. Lesson I have learned
3/22/07
I was impacted by listening to Battlefield of the Mind. The author talked about true “mediation” on God’s Word. I fear that when I do read the word or hear a sermon that I am not meditating, but simply letting it go in one ear and out the other. It is much better to limit the input and increase the application (meditation, action, quality)
Meditations on James 1:1-18
- 1:2 How we handle trials is our choice. Choose your mindset. You don’t have to take the thoughts that the enemy gives you.
- 1:3 Faith, like a muscle needs to been stretched/torn to grow – the more trials the larger your faith
Side thought – key business values (Faith, Perseverance, Humility, and Wisdom)
8/17/07
- Dear Heavenly Father I am overwhelmed, Again
- I am struggling with Fleet Complete
o What is it supposed to be
o Why aren’t I motivated to follow-through
o Do I even know what to focus on??
- Yes I need your wisdom – you are going to have to be the one who figures this out
o I pray for favor, confidence, and passion
- I don’t need more ideas, and more things to chase, I need less
o FOCUS, clarity, slow down (12/27 – don’t forget the passion of new things though – that is when there is juice in my life – BALANCE)
o Take all the time you need to get organized
o Create clear accountability/To Do – and do it (Ky-Zen)
12/27/07
I greeted everyone in the office this morning and I feel great. I really like doing that and I want to get back in the pattern. I want to reach out to people more (if you want friends you need to be friendly)
2008 Goals
Notes: Accountability is key for me (being in relationship)
Spiritual (accountability – Rece, Dad, Paul)
Personal
Business
NEW YEAR - 2008
1/4/08
1/5/08
1/7/08
1/11/08
